your room smells of hookers.
And success
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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