I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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