somebody snuck up and got me drunk
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My vagina is very pro this idea
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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