Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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