Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
