Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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