U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We were destined to go to rehab together
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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