two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
