you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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