I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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