My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
