tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
