I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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