Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.