If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool