just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.