it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
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I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?