Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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