I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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