i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
