i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
