Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
