can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months