Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
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If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
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my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?