Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
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we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
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I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you