It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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