the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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