Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize