She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
