I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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