i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
