you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize