my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
