The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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