im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
