There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
