Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
