we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
