I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
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He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
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I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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