I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
babies were throwing up all over the place
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
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