i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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