I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
