So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
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I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
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Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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