in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
