the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize