woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
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after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
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It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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