Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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