so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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