I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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