She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
