I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
