I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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