You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
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you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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