I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
