Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
