i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
There's always time for handjobs
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
