Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
