You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
