It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
