I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
