We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
