did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
