I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I forgot how hot balto sounded
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
