Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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