The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
