Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
