hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
