I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
