sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
