Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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