I hate your face
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He did a backflip because drugs
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
