ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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