I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
And the cops told us we were all naked.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
