Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Randomize
